hmm ><

Having a life very much kills my activity on any given blog system. Seems that when things are looking up I stop looking down, maybe that's a good thing.

 In utter colour contrast to this cave of mine, visit gennaviva & domo's page if you're looking to smile proudly and happily at someone else’s progress ;) 

So where have I wandered off to?

 -SynCidy

A new Western Cape LAN to be launched this year, SynCidy will be the first LAN around to focus mainly on competitive gaming, thus less of the "15 hours of playing w/e you want and eating food and walking around drinking" and more of the "15 hours of playing tournaments in w/e you want and eating food and walking around drinking"! MAGICAL :D 

-SGA

Stellenbosch Gaming Association, after kicking off and dying all in the space of 2 weeks last year, had a meeting last night and voted in an executive committee for the term ending 30 September. I accepted the nomination and then election as Treasurer. Maybe I can steal some cash as I am so utterly broke it's not funny ><>

-eGamer Koth Series

3 weeks ago we started up a new online King of the Hill series for DotA. I'm leading admin. Every Tuesday night we have the weekly match between the standing Kings and a Challenger team. Another little revolution for gaming around here - The community votes for the team they wish to see challenging the King team. Thus even the worst teams have a shot at the top. We also have Rectron as a prize sponsor, although prizes work on a point system and as yet no prizes have been won.

"-The King of the Hill DotA Series is sponsored by Rectron and powered by eGamer and Twilight Gaming-" 

Aside from all of this shit I'm stuck in the middle of my semester exams, which are so not easy >< 

2 weeks ago I was walking to the first day of work again and it suddenly hit me that as I was right there, I was soooo not happy about anything. Since then things have changed again for me (: but it was rather disturbing to suddenly realise nothing in my life was making me really happy. 

At the end of my days, I get in bed, wiggle around till I’m comfortable, and breathe easy. I might not have everything I want, but things are a long shot from bad for me. 

As a little sandy barefoot girl, who I've had the pleasure of knowing for a few years, would say - One love, peace

For food, thoughts

I once heard a woman tell a man, that he was 'good with women' because he had sisters and he learned through them how to manipulate girls. 

So let's say my latest idea is viewed in terms of this. I have a sister, but her social life picked up after mine only. I don't think the time spent in her company pre-social really taught me a whole lot. So, skipping past all the other options - could it be possible that I developed my 'feminine side' more strongly, and in this way I can relate easier with women, because I was so desperately searching for a way into the female psyche? That in searching for a way to get a grip on things I couldn't understand, I purposefully placed myself into their shoes so to speak, so that I could gain some knowledge from this?

Or maybe it's all genes and personality randomness.. who knows.

Arrogant +_+

Shaving Skins

Dear Easter Bunny,

You have played a mean trick on me. So I asked you for a happy weekend, but you don't play fair do you. I'm up for your challenge though, don't think I'm going to lie down and accept life.

May the best man win +_+

An erratic heartbeat

Like a drunken soccer supporter stumbling down the empty streets with a drum and a drink, the irregularity of the heart inside my chest seems to have no end. 

I am the captain of the vessel, and I steer it true to my inner compass. Now if only the damn thing would stop spinning in circles and settle in a direction. Who carries the bigger magnet now?

A B C

A swings with a halo, swings with a broken wing. A is doing, A wants to do.

B swings with a broken heart, swings without care. B is done in, B is surviving.

C swings with reckless precision, swings in a different tree. C is done, C is dusted.

A tempered heart may lead to tempered love

So I overplayed my hand, like any remotely sexually aware guy might do in that position. Or maybe one that is in my shoes.  So I try to explain, badly. But explaining again and again is worse I feel. So I explain once, and hope for a break. Then I try to leave a volatile note, something to generate a response.  Nothing. Time spent thinking and wondering, waiting and hoping. Realising how selfish I seem now, yet not wanting to over do it by re'xplaining. Purposefully letting someone disapprove of you rather than chase them away in a different way. When did I make the change from 'thinking the move' to 'executing the move'?

Finally I have become the kind of person who can keep it together for a while and not run off yelling what comes to mind. An improvement, but also a danger. Power in any form can be dangerous, both to the user as well as the target.

So, I keep it together. I sit, I wait, I think.

Sorrow suckers

Many things mesh together inside my mind. My life transforms into 

a chess game. I see myself pick out my moves, see myself overcome 

obstacles and make mistakes, i see the short term happinesses turn 

into long term sorrow in the blink of an eye.

Opposing pieces I thought defenseless suddenly become bastions of 

defence. Pieces I had plans for, get picked off or blocked off. 

Friendships seeming so secure at the start start feeling the pressure. 

Decisions get called into the light again for the scrutinous eyes.

How do you carry a true secret? You kill it on the inside.

How do you kill a true secret? A bit of time and a lot of dust.

I always think myself willing to play the game, yet I become worried

that I did not think this through thuroughly enough. I thought there 

were some things off-limits for the game, guess not. Easter weekend. 

Long weekend. Potential brimming weekend. Last off weekend. Or 

maybe the potential is the problem.

Dear Easter Bunny, this weekend I would like to give you the 

happiness of making me happy. Then we will all be happy, right?

6:40 am. Who is sticking with who in this virgin morning's air?

"Old as ancient skies I've had these wandering eyes but you took me 

by surprise when you let me Inside of You Inside of You Inside of You 

There's got to be some part of me Inside of You Inside of You I could 

cross this desert plain Inside of You I can hear you scream my name 

Inside of You While the stars unfold I've crossed me heart and I've 

crossed the world and I need you here and I need to be Inside of You"

+_+