God Emperor

Time might not flow but it presses from behind just the same. Always a new day, a new old. Just the same but filled from all directions with the option to elect different answers to the questions.

Keeping busy results in 'keeping happy' because I enforce ignorance. Cluttering my immediate consciousness so I may blind myself for a while. It is easier this way. But what kind of life does a blind man live? What type of being runs from its own awareness? Typical types?

To point out bad symmetry :: from class example and inner contest: If you are given a gift without your consent, a gift that all others cherish, yet you alone may now enjoy it, do you owe it to the whole to experience and sap the gift? Does the rose have concealed thorns fashioned from duty, hidden along the stem? Would the answer change if you were alike to all others except in chance?

How tiresome it has become to carry responsibility for my days.

red line

love and hate live in each others shadows...

...i hope i haven't pushed you into the shade.

My socks make all the other gamers jealous.

Headache, bad stomach. and so i retreat into solitude, not willingly. not now.

Yesterdays #2

Take and Give (and Take)

I made a discovery today. I found the most illogical creation ever. It is so chaotic that not one person has ever found the solution to it (or at least no one who lived to tell the tale).

It is commenly known as relationships. The give and take of the heart. Emotions.

It reminds me of this dream I have sometimes; a never ending struggle to get somewhere, you can't stop, but each step is like stabbing yourself with a sweet needle. It turns and turns and turns, the ####. Then finally just before I reach my goal I collapse, spent beyond my limits.

I usually wake up around 5 am. So also relationships seem to be this uphill struggle towards someplace better. I never reach the top... yet I never quite fall to the bottom. Some part inside screams at me to try again, do it better, don't give up.

To get back to relationships, 'scientific study' (my opinion) shows that the biggest problem is a misinterpretation/disconnection of interaction.

Recent happenings show my theory to be true. My best friends turn on each other and 'plukked' because one of them can't express himself good enough for the other. (Like always I put myself in the middle... stupid?)

Still don't know if it'll work out.

Still I would never survive this world without my heart. Relationships, our pain and pleasure...

Yesterdays #1

Langs jou is rooi rose grys

En in hul dans vir die mooiste blom

Drom bye om jou in n gesuis.

Tog kyk hul net na die:

Blome, Bloeisels en Blou oë.

Ek sal daar wees

en my wonder uitspreek,

maar nie oor die:

Blome, Bloeisels en Blou oë, nee

Eerder oor jou kalm

dans verby al die gespuis

En sou ons dan loop,

die padjie langs die see,

sou dit genoeg wees

om my te dra.

Genoeg om nie te vra:

Hoe lank sal jy bly?

Want elke dag met jou,

is 'n lewe volmaak

'n glimlag vol vreugde

en liefde.

In 'n sekond van waansin,

is jy geskape.

Perfek selfs in jou slaap

Elke fout 'n meesterstuk.

Gebore om hartsnare te pluk.