Dirty on paper

how singular our lives, how predictable our entertainment. 'in the barren land even the weed is a flower', and yet it would not do to forget how real flowers bloom. some people are dangerous, i choose to ignore conventional wisdom when they get involved. watched 'Se7en' and 'Taken', good entertainment. pleasantly suprised and some turns, pleasantly predictable at others. ambition, dreams, hopes fears nightmares day and night living. this person has the cup of cups in the form of a family, a wife, some kidz, a happy life and end to life. and so through every example, every situation portrayed this person tries to study, to learn and improve, to find a way that one day this ideal cup of life will be safe in his keeping. will not be broken shamed marred in any way. passion is ever part of the same line, for this person it is not distinguishable from the line. it is part of it. it is essential.

essential vitamins and minerals can be found in every dream, learn to look.

hmm ><

Having a life very much kills my activity on any given blog system. Seems that when things are looking up I stop looking down, maybe that's a good thing.

 In utter colour contrast to this cave of mine, visit gennaviva & domo's page if you're looking to smile proudly and happily at someone else’s progress ;) 

So where have I wandered off to?

 -SynCidy

A new Western Cape LAN to be launched this year, SynCidy will be the first LAN around to focus mainly on competitive gaming, thus less of the "15 hours of playing w/e you want and eating food and walking around drinking" and more of the "15 hours of playing tournaments in w/e you want and eating food and walking around drinking"! MAGICAL :D 

-SGA

Stellenbosch Gaming Association, after kicking off and dying all in the space of 2 weeks last year, had a meeting last night and voted in an executive committee for the term ending 30 September. I accepted the nomination and then election as Treasurer. Maybe I can steal some cash as I am so utterly broke it's not funny ><>

-eGamer Koth Series

3 weeks ago we started up a new online King of the Hill series for DotA. I'm leading admin. Every Tuesday night we have the weekly match between the standing Kings and a Challenger team. Another little revolution for gaming around here - The community votes for the team they wish to see challenging the King team. Thus even the worst teams have a shot at the top. We also have Rectron as a prize sponsor, although prizes work on a point system and as yet no prizes have been won.

"-The King of the Hill DotA Series is sponsored by Rectron and powered by eGamer and Twilight Gaming-" 

Aside from all of this shit I'm stuck in the middle of my semester exams, which are so not easy >< 

2 weeks ago I was walking to the first day of work again and it suddenly hit me that as I was right there, I was soooo not happy about anything. Since then things have changed again for me (: but it was rather disturbing to suddenly realise nothing in my life was making me really happy. 

At the end of my days, I get in bed, wiggle around till I’m comfortable, and breathe easy. I might not have everything I want, but things are a long shot from bad for me. 

As a little sandy barefoot girl, who I've had the pleasure of knowing for a few years, would say - One love, peace

For food, thoughts

I once heard a woman tell a man, that he was 'good with women' because he had sisters and he learned through them how to manipulate girls. 

So let's say my latest idea is viewed in terms of this. I have a sister, but her social life picked up after mine only. I don't think the time spent in her company pre-social really taught me a whole lot. So, skipping past all the other options - could it be possible that I developed my 'feminine side' more strongly, and in this way I can relate easier with women, because I was so desperately searching for a way into the female psyche? That in searching for a way to get a grip on things I couldn't understand, I purposefully placed myself into their shoes so to speak, so that I could gain some knowledge from this?

Or maybe it's all genes and personality randomness.. who knows.

Arrogant +_+

Shaving Skins

Dear Easter Bunny,

You have played a mean trick on me. So I asked you for a happy weekend, but you don't play fair do you. I'm up for your challenge though, don't think I'm going to lie down and accept life.

May the best man win +_+

An erratic heartbeat

Like a drunken soccer supporter stumbling down the empty streets with a drum and a drink, the irregularity of the heart inside my chest seems to have no end. 

I am the captain of the vessel, and I steer it true to my inner compass. Now if only the damn thing would stop spinning in circles and settle in a direction. Who carries the bigger magnet now?

A B C

A swings with a halo, swings with a broken wing. A is doing, A wants to do.

B swings with a broken heart, swings without care. B is done in, B is surviving.

C swings with reckless precision, swings in a different tree. C is done, C is dusted.

A tempered heart may lead to tempered love

So I overplayed my hand, like any remotely sexually aware guy might do in that position. Or maybe one that is in my shoes.  So I try to explain, badly. But explaining again and again is worse I feel. So I explain once, and hope for a break. Then I try to leave a volatile note, something to generate a response.  Nothing. Time spent thinking and wondering, waiting and hoping. Realising how selfish I seem now, yet not wanting to over do it by re'xplaining. Purposefully letting someone disapprove of you rather than chase them away in a different way. When did I make the change from 'thinking the move' to 'executing the move'?

Finally I have become the kind of person who can keep it together for a while and not run off yelling what comes to mind. An improvement, but also a danger. Power in any form can be dangerous, both to the user as well as the target.

So, I keep it together. I sit, I wait, I think.